beginnings
The first time i remember seeing him was in the hallway between periods. his head was down and his bangs almost covered his eyes in the way that nearly everyone i knew used to shield them from the onslaught. he was wearing the same Cure Standing on a Beach shirt that i had (though not that day). he glanced at me through those bangs in the way that perhaps all teenagers do when they recognize something kindred, like listening to The Cure and mutually finding oneself allergic to the inanity of the high school experience. at least that’s how i remember it. a close-lipped glance in the hall and then it was over, back to class. he must be new coz i hadn’t seen him before, i thought, and it was midway through the year. i saw him again another time in the same transit between the same periods. it became regular, the half-skater looking guy with the bangs and the band T-shirts. he also had The Smiths The Queen is Dead and if he had any other shirts at the time, i don’t remember them.
the next time i saw him was on the way to school on Torrey Pines Drive. it was the new term after a strange summer and my friend Kalah M was driving her blue Honda Civic when i saw him walking along with his backpack slung shoulder-style, both arms up easing the weight from the conceivable tonnage. he was wearing those now ubiquitous shorts and Vision Streetware shoes.
i thought three things:
-that’s the guy from the hallway on the way to World History.
-does he walk all the way to school?
-too bad we don’t know him, we could give him a ride.
in all probability Kalah would have stopped if i had said anything because she was the type who was always trying to be all motherly to everybody. Same gothic outlook, but motherly. the moment was gone in a second anyway and of course who picks up strangers?
It was a couple years after Shaun showed up on the track team and in a few of my classes that I was at his house, just before he was going to go on a date with Carolyne. He asked me to please please please shave his hairy neck for his date. Shaun was very shy and quiet until one got to know him…then it was nonstop talking to himself, singing, prose and commenting on the back of your head in algebra, etc. He sat behind me and one day, ate an entire bag of hershey’s kisses in class, mumbling between each bite. Each time I turned around, he went quiet…motionless….stared at me with huge saucer eyes “what?” He drew pictures illustrating how my prom dress might look “even more delightful” with a pair of black, pointy na-na boots and some striped, thigh-high socks. That infectious, Georgian drawl (along with his very Nightmare-Before-Christmas scrawlings) almost had me convinced!
I would have picked him up! I would have picked up dang near anyone. I wish you had something back then, Will. He would have had to ride in the trunk ’cause my poor old car was packed with no less than 4 others on any given day. But he would have been more than welcome.
Shaun was so gracious and kind. With William and Jessica we made the oddest foursome at the prom. I was so, so grateful to have a date.
I remember the odd look my mother gave me when he showed up in a green thrift store suit jacket. I cherished him for that! My mom was so hard to get a rise out of. It took work and he just walked on in and effortlessly made her flinch.
He wrote “BLOODY SATANIC HELL” on the very first page of my yearbook and had to finish the entry by letter 3 months later. But, he did finish it.
I wish I had known him better. I wish I had kept in touch with him after my wedding. But I was young and selfish and too busy being in love.
I’m sad he’s gone. I’m sad he didn’t reach out to those who loved him. I would have helped and I would have given him a ride anywhere he wanted to go.